Holiday Stress: Difficult Visits with Family
Coping with Holiday Stress
Holidays can be stressful times that pull up complicated emotions. Visits to family can bring up unresolved and painful memories from childhood. Current relationships can be difficult to manage, especially when the “togetherness” is intense or lasts too long. The beginning of a new year can bring the pressure of increased expectations and disappointment about pieces of your life that feel stuck or are not where you want them to be. I’d like to share some tips for coping with holiday stress.
Tips for Coping with Holiday Stress
- Stay mindful of your feelings and compassionate toward yourself and others.
- When stress gets intense, keep you focus on the current moment, not the past or the future. Ask yourself, “Do I have what I need right now.”
- Make sure you feel safe. Make a plan for how you will check in with yourself and make self care a priority during the visit. Don’t attempt to bury your needs by only focusing on others’ needs.
- Check your expectations. The holidays can carry a lot of baggage. Holiday stress is reduced if you let go of expectations of the “perfect” holiday or miracle healing moments. You and your loved ones are only human. It is normal that your interactions will have ups and downs, moments of closeness and moments of tension.
- If things start to go wrong, don’t let yourself turn it into a catastrophe in your mind. The interpretation of an event has so much power in determining how it affects you. Try to let go of slights, of taking things personally, and of expecting the worst.
- As an adult, visits to or from family create a strong pull into old and familiar family roles. You may feel like a child, bickering with a sibling or feeling grumpy about chores for example. Families can also play out repeating patterns such as nagging each other or arguing about politics. Before the visit, review the patterns you and your family get stuck in. Are there ways you could make a conscious choice to let go of these old and dysfunctional patterns? Think about dropping your side of the conflict – it is nearly impossible for one person to argue by themselves if the other refuses to participate.
- Pace yourself and take some time out for yourself. You still need to take time for emotional self care, healthy sleeping, exercise and eating routines, and checking in with support people. Don’t let busy holiday activities, multiple tasks or the demands from others throw you off balance and increase your sense of feeling resentful and overwhelmed.
- Let go of putting pressure on yourself or others. Rather than focusing on how far the reality is from how things “should be,” work to observe, understand and appreciate your loved ones for who they are.
- You don’t owe abusive family members your presence. It you need to set boundaries and stay away, give yourself permission to do so.
- Make sure you get the support you need from friends, loved ones or a therapist if your family relationships feel toxic or if you have difficulty moving on from past hurts. You don’t have to stay feeling stuck, you can find a way through your complicated feelings and can build fulfilling holiday traditions for yourself.
Holidays can be a joyful time of healing and connection, but when you are dealing with difficult family relationships they can also be complicated and stressful. I hope that these tips for managing holiday stress and difficult visits with family will be helpful. Here’s hoping for peaceful holidays and a happy new year!!
If you would like to talk with me about your situation and how therapy can help, please give me a call at 404-668-9893.
